Some tips and lessons I have learned about dealing with children’s anger.
Separate Anger with Love.
I notice that every time my daughter gets mad, she says ” I don’t love you anymore” She associates Love with Anger, but they do not go hand in hand. I let her visualize that love and anger are separate entities and even if we are mad at each other, we never stop loving each other.
EXPLAIN your anger, not EXPRESS it.
Have you ever notice that when we are angry, we use hurtful words to express our anger? We even deliberately hurt others just to release our anger and end up aggravating the situation or even regretting what we did.
Exercise:
Practice deep breaths and when the dust has settled, use words to explain their feelings and resolve the situation. I usually ask them : ” Are you ready to talk?” and let the kids resolve their own problems, mediate only when necessary.
Do not exaggerate!
Teach them not to use the words ALWAYS and NEVER just to emphasize a point. Exaggeration doesn’t help at all, do not generalize. Avoid saying ” You always hurt me” ” You never listen” .
Let Go of the Past.
Never bring old issues back from the dead. What’s in the past stays in the past. What is forgiven should be forgotten. Focus only on the current issue, don’t complicate things by reliving old issues.
Sleep Happy.
Resolve issues before going to sleep. Make it a habit to resolve the problem before going to sleep, start the healing and sleep happy.
I live by these guidelines as well, because I realize that sometimes, even adults are guilty of over complicating the situation at hand. This can be very toxic to any relationship. Keep it Simple. The easiest solution is to simplify things:
Identify the problem. Resolve the problem. Do some damage control if needed and get on with the show. As simple as that. Life is too short so live it with a happy heart. Keep smiling!
Perfect Mommy Project 